I must have been three when I first realised that, in our family, waiting for dad to come home was simply part of life.

I vividly remember my mum opening the cupboard to reveal a calendar covered in Xs. It stretched across multiple months, with a date, probably around three months away, circled brightly.

As the date drew closer, mum took me to the shops where we picked out brightly coloured markers, poster board and stencils. Together, we traced the letters “Welcome home Daddy”.

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As the date drew closer, we picked out brightly coloured markers, poster board, and stencils to make a welcome home sign. Credit: Supplied

My dad had spent six months in East Timor as part of a INTERFET multinational peace-keeping task force with the Australian Army.

I was too young to understand what six months meant, or exactly why dad had to be so far away. I simply knew he was gone, that we missed him, and that there was a date on the calendar when he would finally come home.

In the late 1990s, staying connected to a parent on deployment looked very different to today. There were no video calls or instant messages, so I wrote letters to dad and he wrote back.

Each one took weeks to arrive, making every letter feel like a little piece of him had finally made its way home.

I still have those letters today, tucked away as a tangible reminder of a childhood shaped by his absences.

But as I got older, I began to understand being a Defence kid (or an army brat, as some kids not so affectionately nicknamed us) came with a lot more than calendars and welcome home signs.

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Growing up with a parent away

Dad went on to complete another tour of East Timor, a tour of Afghanistan, and countless weeks and months away on exercises, courses and training.

When he was in Afghanistan, I was 16. I vividly remember spending a day at home with mum, watching the news constantly as reports came in that five Australian soldiers had been killed and their families had not yet been notified.

Our phone rang constantly as friends and family checked in on us but every time it rang, my heart jumped.

It is difficult to explain the strange mixture of emotions that comes with being a Defence kid. You can be enormously proud of your parent and deeply frightened for them at exactly the same time, while also feeling the ordinary frustration of wanting them home for birthdays, school events or simply to have another person at the dinner table.

While dad was serving, mum was the one keeping everything going at home.

I didn’t have a charity like Defence Kidz when I was growing up. We found our own ways through the waiting, and I was lucky to have a family who made it easier.

But I know now how much it can mean for a child to have someone say: We know this is hard, and you’re not the only one waiting.

The gap Defence Kidz is trying to fill

Defence Kidz CEO Hayley Ann Boswell knows the experience of military children can be difficult to explain to people who have never lived it.

The charity supports children from current-serving, ex-serving and reservist families, providing resources, events, advocacy and opportunities designed specifically around the experiences of military kids.

For Boswell, the need became apparent when she created a book to help her own young daughter maintain a connection with her father while he was posted interstate.

“I realised the significance of the lack of resources available to families,” Boswell told 7NEWS.com.au.

Hayley Boswell discovered a demand after she created a book to help her own young daughter maintain a connection with her father while he was posted interstate. Credit: Supplied

She initially expected the book to simply help her own family but, after her partner shared it online, about 200 messages came in to their private inbox asking where other military families could get one.

“That’s when we realised this is obviously a bit of a need,” Boswell said.

What began with books has since grown into a much broader organisation.

One of Defence Kidz’s major initiatives is its deployment packs, which are sent to military children across Australia and are designed with input from a psychologist.

Deployment packs are sent to military children across Australia. Credit: Supplied

The packs include resources aimed at helping children understand and process military life, including books about military identity, journals, postcards for staying connected with family members, colouring activities, fidget items and a weighted comfort toy designed to help children feel secure at night.

Each child also receives an Australian flag, stickers and a certificate recognising their contribution as part of a Defence family.

Each child also receives a certificate recognising their contribution as part of a Defence family. Credit: Supplied

Some packs also contain handmade pencil cases, library bags and toys made by volunteers around Australia.

Ultimately, the packs are all about making sure children know they have not been forgotten.

The packs include resources aimed at helping children understand and process military life. Credit: Supplied

Helping children understand why mum or dad has to leave

One of the most significant parts of Defence Kidz’s work is helping children understand what their parent is actually doing when they are away.

The organisation has created books featuring characters from army, navy and air force families, designed to help children understand their parent’s role and why their service sometimes requires them to be away from home.

A parent missing a birthday, school award, or family milestone can make children feel hollow, like part of them is missing.

The books help children understand that their parent can be missing those moments while simultaneously doing work that is important to their family and country — filling that missing piece with pride.

Boswell said the charity often hears from children and parents for whom the packs mean so much.

“We have videos sent to us where the kids are crying because they finally feel seen,” she said.

The charity often hears from children and parents who feel genuinely seen for the first time. Credit: Supplied

One family contacted Defence Kidz after their child stopped sleeping in their own bed when their father deployed.

A deployment pack was sent, including one of the weighted comfort toys.

That night, the child slept in their own bed for the first time since the deployment.

For the child, it provided comfort. For the mother, it meant a full night’s sleep. And for the deployed father, it offered another way to feel involved in his child’s life despite the distance.

The packs provide comfort for children. Credit: Supplied

Finding other kids who understand

Defence Kidz runs connection events where military children can meet others who understand the peculiarities of their upbringing without needing to explain them.

Boswell said it is common for children to meet at an event and quickly form friendships, with parents joking that a room full of military kids can result in a string of sleepovers being organised within minutes.

That sense of connection is particularly important because Defence life can be isolating, even when it is also full of adventure.

Defence life can be isolating, even when it is also full of adventure. Credit: Supplied

Some children move regularly, including interstate or overseas, and experience places and opportunities their civilian peers may never encounter.

For many, the travel, friendships and sense of community are among the best parts of growing up in a Defence family.

But all of the same things can come with feelings of instability and isolation.

All that adventure can also come with isolation and instability. Credit: Supplied

Defence Families of Australia advocate Charlotte Webb said children can experience a complicated mix of emotions when a parent is away.

“Having a parent away due to Defence service can be one of the most challenging experiences a child faces,” Webb told 7NEWS.com.au.

“Children often experience a range of emotions, particularly when they are trying to understand why their parent is away and when they will return.

“Providing children with age-appropriate ways to understand and express those feelings is critical to helping them build resilience and navigate periods of family separation.”

Children can experience a complicated mix of emotions when a parent is away. Credit: Supplied

She said initiatives such as Defence Kidz help children feel understood and less alone.

“What makes this approach particularly valuable is the continuity it provides,” she said.

“The resources, activities and tools developed around the Defence Kidz characters create a consistent experience for children throughout their Defence family journey.

“Whether they are experiencing a deployment, training activity, posting or another period of separation, children are able to engage with familiar characters and messages that help them understand what they are feeling and stay connected to their Defence community.

“When children feel connected, understood and equipped to cope with the unique challenges of Defence life, family wellbeing is strengthened.

“We strongly support initiatives like Defence Kidz that recognise the experiences of Defence children and provide practical, child-focused support that helps them thrive throughout their Defence family journey.”

Defence Kidz helps children feel understood and less alone throughout different stages of their Defence family journey. Credit: Supplied

Recognising the children who serve too

A major part of Defence Kidz’s work is advocacy, including efforts to ensure military children are identified and supported within schools.

The organisation has advocated for military children to be able to identify their Defence connection during school enrolment, allowing schools to understand which children may be experiencing the unique challenges associated with Defence life.

The organisation has advocated for military children to be able to identify their Defence connection during school enrolment. Credit: Supplied

It is part of a broader argument that supporting a Defence member means supporting their family too.

The importance of supporting military children is recognised at the highest levels of the Australian Defence Force, with Chief of the Defence Force Admiral Mark Hammond acknowledging the unique demands placed on Defence families.

“Defence service brings unique opportunities but also places occasional demands on our sailors, soldiers and aviators and their families who stand beside them,” he told 7NEWS.com.au.

“The care, advocacy and sense of community Defence Kidz provides, particularly for the children of Defence members, makes a profound and lasting difference.

“Recognising and supporting young people growing up in military families is both important and necessary.”

The Deputy Chief of Army agreed, saying Defence Kidz plays an important role in providing “connections, support and opportunities to help our families thrive”.

Deputy Chief of Navy Rear Admiral Darren Grogan also highlighted the sacrifices made by military families, including the children growing up alongside serving parents.

“Behind every sailor serving Australia is a family making sacrifices of their own. Defence children demonstrate remarkable resilience through relocations, deployments and the unique challenges that come with Defence life,” Grogan said.

“Organisations like Defence Kidz provide valuable support, connection and advocacy for young people, helping them feel recognised, included and proud of their contribution to the Defence community.”

Boswell believes military children deserve recognition for the contribution they make simply by being part of a Defence family.

Boswell believes military children deserve recognition for the contribution they make simply by being part of a Defence family. Credit: Supplied

That recognition is something I understand more now than I ever did as a child.

I wonder what it might have meant to that little girl staring at a calendar covered in Xs to have someone explain why dad was away, to know other children were feeling exactly what she was feeling, and to have something made especially for her.

Today, Defence Kidz is giving other children exactly that.

Not by telling them that being a Defence kid is something to be endured, but by recognising that their experience is unique, their contribution matters, and they should never have to navigate the waiting alone.